steps for when your four-month-old does the one thing they say a four-month-old never does

Or, how to get over yourself when your baby 'self-weans' before one/goes on a never-ending nursing strike/develops a bottle-over-boob preference/defies everything the experts know about babies and does the one thing you didn't know to dread or worry about.

• Step 1: Doubt that your four-month-old is actually refusing to nurse.
• Step 2: Offer a bottle so that said baby doesn't starve.
• Step 3: Try to nurse again and get rejected. Begin to worry.
• Step 4: Repeat step 3 and 2, in that order, increasing worry exponentially with each occurrence.
• Step 5: Cry.
• Step 6: Blame yourself, and then your spouse, and then your baby, and then the bottle, and then your boobs and then yourself again. Because, it's your fault. Obviously.
• Step 7: Research and research and research with your frenemy, Google.
• Step 8: Try all the tips your 'research' led you to try.  Build frustration and tears each time a new 'tip' has no effect on your child's persistent, angry refusal of your sweet, milky boobs.
• Step 9: Cry.
• Step 10: Suck it up.  Tell yourself it's not a big deal, and that you're lucky you got even four months of breastfeeding.  Many, many women don't even get that.
• Step 11: Get angry and acknowledge that, yes, you've been lucky it's been so easy but DAMMIT this needs to end NOW.
• Step 12: Rationalize.  Well, you can still pump breastmilk.
• Step 13: Itemize all the reasons exclusively pumping will suck: 1 - it's not convenient like the boob. 2 - it often leads to reduced supply and a need to supplement 3 - it doesn't give you all the selfish feels of closeness and bonding.  Tell these reasons to anyone who will listen.
• Step 14: Cry.
• Step 15: Suck it up.  Life goes on. Your kid is growing, healthy, happy. This is NOT a big deal. 
• Step 16: Repeat step 1 and 6.
• Step 17: Try those tips from step 7 again.  Ask everyone you know who nursed what they would do if their kid stopped nursing. Ignore the women who tell you their nursing strike turned into a kid who weaned.  Tell yourself that won't happen to you.
• Step 18: Feel disconnected from your baby. Mourn the loss of nursing.
• Step 19: Establish a new normal of pumping around the time your kid eats.
• Step 20: Cry. Laugh.
• Step 21: Realize it's not all that terrible to have very portable food for your kid.  Itemize the reasons: 1 - you now know exactly how much your kid eats every day. no more doubting -is he hungry?! 2 - all those times you wish you could 'detach your boob and insert in his mouth when he was crying uncontrollably in the car/in public/whenever' is now a reality. 3 - everybody gets to feel the joy of your squirmy, active baby melts into their arms as he eats five times a day. 4 - realize you get to kiss his head, his cheeks, his nose while he eats.  feel his little fingers curl around yours on the bottle. 5 - note that washing so many bottles is somewhat calming at the end of the day. 
• Step 22: Write about it and realize, hey, you're actually ok with this.

Note: Steps 1 - 19 occur over the course of 3 days. Steps 20 - 22 over the course of 3 weeks.